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I Let Myself Become You
07.29.05 (2:06 pm)   [edit]
I've been listening to "Meteora" by Linkin Park over and over again lately.

So..I had a Jon meltdown. I was hoping to just get over him..and that hasn't happened yet. He still likes me. It's just that I don't have a job. And any job that I'm qualified for is not, "professional". So I have to do something. I want HIM. I don't want anyone else but him. Is that too much to ask for?

"Take everything from the inside and throw it all away. Cause I swear for the last time. I wont trust myself with you."
 
My Friends Over You
07.18.05 (7:54 pm)   [edit]
I'm over Jon. So what if he likes a girl out in NY. I mean, he's into her, she's totally into him. I'm happy for them. Though he was getting kind of cocky. But that's the Leo in him.

I drank some tonight. Wasn't a lot of fun though.

Hmm..
 
Welcome To My Life
07.16.05 (7:39 pm)   [edit]
So I talked to Jon again today..he was telling me about his trip to NY to see Lexi. And I tried to swallow it down and not get upset..but he knew it.
jon (9:32:16 PM): You shouldn't take it so personally--if you had a job and stuff, it'd be a totally different ball game
jon (9:32:50 PM): I do like you--I think your a great girl--I just dont date a girl w/no job
jon(9:33:02 PM): It has nothing to do with your character // looks // intelligence
jon (9:33:35 PM): Your cute...funny--VERY witty...

It really sucks cause I REALLY REALLY REALLY like him. And I hate the fact that I'm not good enough..well, it's not that I'm not good enough..it's just that I'm poor. It's really unfair..but I'm still going to try to win him over. It can either make me feel even worse later on, or I could succeed and have him as my own.

I've been trying really hard not to cry. But I have...and my mom is going ballistic. I mean..I tell her everything and she seems to think he's having a ball making me feel bad..but it's not like that..I SEVERELY doubt it. She says that I'm "too out there", need to bring it down a level, that she's going to tear my piercings out..And take the internet away so I make friends with real people...When have I ever had friends????!!? The "friends" I've had have always used me..what's the point in that????!? Instead of making me feel better..she just made me feel worse.

Ugh...I can only try sooo hard. I didn't get the job at Canine Capers. It fuckin sucks too cause I thought I had that interview wrapped around my finger...and I doubt I'll get a call back from Holiday Inn cause I have a little bit of a record. (Underage Drinking, Disorderly Conduct, Poscession of Paraphenelia. (those all in 1 night) and then a pocession of marijunana ticket) But those are all from last summer..It's not like I was convicted of anything. So now to check out the paper tomorrow...Do more calls..more applications..and more who knows what.

I wont get out of the house much even if I got a job..I can never save money..and always blow it on stupid shit. Guess I might need to put it in my lock box and "lose" the key. Ha.

I guess there needs to be a lil' background on Jon. I've chatted with him online for over a month now. And we met up exactly two weeks ago. We had a really great time together..he just doesent like me because of the job thing...I hope..

I'm 19, almost 20. I live in Wisconsin..Yes, I am a cheesehead. Packers for life MAN.